Harry's Jokes

Sample Jokes

CALGARY AIRPORT AUTHORITY
Why do so many stores in the airport sell luggage? It seems to me, if you have to buy luggage in the airport, you haven’t exactly planned out your trip. And, even if you need luggage, why buy it in the airport, when there are so many unattended pieces you can just take. Cause I don’t mean to brag, but I just got this suit from Delta.

GB HOME EQUITY
Don’t ever make home improvement loans to someone with a mobile home. I know it’s tempting, because that home probably needs improving, but once you make that loan, there’s nothing to stop them from just driving away.

AMERISOURCE BERGEN
If any of you decide to do something crazy here in Los Vegas, like suddenly get married, this is the perfect town, because even if it doesn’t work out, you can always get a quickie divorce, so I say, whatever you want to do, have a good time, and just try to make sure her name isn’t Brittney.

HUAL (CAR SHIPPERS)
We have to be vigilant against potential threats. Because it’s too easy for people to pretend to be someone else, but with biometrics, we can now perform facial recognition for anybody on the planet, other then of course, Joan Rivers or Michael Jackson, who have both become completely alien.

NATIONAL FLOOD CONFERENCE
The worst floods, are catastrophic floods. This is where God basically tells you to gather all the animals 2 by 2 and just get the heck out. I believe his exact words were, “Noah, go to home depot, and start hammering.

To better alert the public, we need to give hurricanes scarier names like ‘Attila’ for example, Because, frankly a name like ‘Bob’ doesn’t exactly motivate people to run. “Hey, there’s a hurricane coming…oh that’s just ‘Bob,’ pass me the Fritos.”

It’s important to recognize clues for flood zones, such as for example, if you need a canoe to get to your kitchen, you’re probably in a flood zone. Or, if your neighbor is Spongebob Squarepants, and you live in a pineapple under the sea, you’re probably in a flood zone…and you might also be a redneck.

“Harry has always done an outstanding job. One of the reasons Harry is so successful, is because he really does his homework. I would recommend him for any event, showcase, meeting, or any other situation, with my highest praise.”

Rainey Foster, Vice President: Leading Authorities Speakers Bureau